Lie #3 You can't have a place in your heart for your biological parents.

Hey everyone,
This week's lie is lie #3 You can't have a place in your heart for your biological parents, because that's not fair to your adopted parents. Well first off my mom (not my bio mom) always told me it was fine for me to have a place for my biological mom in my heart. Though I know this can be confusing, because this seems not fair to your parents. Though for some of my adoptees don't even what to think about their biological parents because they don't feel loved by them, so they really don't even want to have a place in their heart for them. Though once you realize that they did love you you start to have a place in your heart for them, but sometimes after a while you feel like it's not fair to your parents. Though this isn't true, see you can have a place for them without feeling guilty!! Think of it this way, so I know for me all my friends I have a place for them in my heart. It's just the same thing!! Except that you might not know your biological parents!! I hope this helped, I know for me this lie was never really there for me. Due to that I just wrote this off of what my adoptee friends had to say on this topic. Please feel free to comment!! Bye y'all!!
~Sandy

Lie #2 Your biological parents did not love you continued...

Hey everyone,
Do any of you know/heard of Mark Schultz?? Well if not, he is a Christian musician. I personally I love all of his songs, they are extremely touching. In any case he is also adopted, and here is what he has to say about being adopted, and realizing that yes his biological mom does love him.

Now if you are wondering as to what song he is talking about here's the song. I find this song extremely special and kind of one of those songs I go to when I am dealing with my own struggles of being adopted or someone stereo typing me/us for being adopted.

Well that's all I have for now, but I think Josh or Jon who is helping me run this blog will put something up for this lie too sometime this week. Bye! Enjoy the movies!
~Sandy

Lie #2 Your biological parents did not love you.

Hey everyone,
So lie number 2 is "your biological parents did not/do not love you." Well this lie is completely a LIE!! For this lie I am going to tell you "my story" as to how my adoption went about... (once again I ask you to please not give me a pity party!!) Okay so here it goes....

Let me first give you some background information. Close to the year I was born there were about 533,100 abortions in Mexico. Also my birth mom worked as a live in house maid, the Mexican culture toward live in house maids isn't the best. The man of the house thinks he can do whatever he wants to the house maids. Now to the "story" of me being adopted.

Now my birth mom had two other kids that her parents were raising. Once she got pregnant with me her parents told her that if she kept me and wanted them to raise me that she would never see her kids again. She believed them, so she started to think about other options like abortion. She talked about aborting me to some missionaries who were down there, but thankfully they talked her out of it!! So she decided she would give me up for adoption. Now keep in mind this is a extremely hard thing to do, think about it can you imagine giving a child life and then giving that child away?! Knowing you might never ever see your child again?! In any case my mom's mom heard that I was up for adoption, she told my mom and they started that long process. As you know I am adopted so everything fell through on the adoption. (if you want the whole story on t hat side just ask and I'll post it up or write a comment on it.)

In any case my birth mom loved me to the point of giving me life knowing she'd probably never see her little girl ever again! She could have taken the "easy" way out of it and aborting me, she wouldn't had to gone through everything to put me up for adoption. The way I know she loved me even though I have never met her is that she did the hardest thing for a mother to do, she gave up her own flesh and blood. There is no doubt in my mind that she was sad that she had to give me up, but she loved me so she knew she had to give me up. She knew if she gave me up I'd have a better life, or at least better than what she could have given me.

A lot of times people think if you birth parents gave you up it means you were a "mistake," and that they didn't love you. Well this isn't true, they loved you so much that they knew they couldn't give you a good life, that they couldn't take care of you like you needed, and because they love you so much they did the hardest thing imaginable! I feel very loved that my birth mom loved me so much she gave me away. I am amazed at how strong, loving, caring woman that she was to give me away. I can't imagine doing what she did just for me. To sum up how I feel about my birth mom, here is a poem I wrote to her and a link to the tribute speech I did on her.

To My Mother
by Sandra Cash

Thank you so much mother!
For you gave me the greatest gift a mother can give.
You gave me life,
even when you could have chosen not too.
Not only did you give me life,
but you also gave me to a family.
I know it must have been the hardest thing for you.
To give up your little baby girl,
and to know you might never see her again.
I want you to know the family you gave me to
has raised me the best that they can.
They have give me the best they can give,
which in reality is a lot.

I want to thank you mother.
For loving me so much that you gave me up for adoption.
If you ever questioned if you did the right thing.
Let me tell you that you did the perfect thing for me.

Where ever you are dear mother.
I want you to know
You will always have a special place in my heart for you.
I love you and I'm thankful for everything you have done for me.
I will never forget all the sacrifices you have made just for me.
You made those sacrifices because you love me and for that I say
Thank you mother for everything! I love you!

Now for the rest of you adoptees the same goes for you, think on it...imagine your mom have a little baby growing inside of her. She watch as you the baby grows, she love you, after all your her baby....but she know she will not be able to keep you, the baby you love. She know she can't give you the best life....so she bring herself to the hardest thing possible. She put you up for adoption because she know they will have a better life than the one she could give you. Now that's love!! If you'd like to explain why you do or don't feel loved please feel free to comment!! Comment even if you just agree with me, or whatever. This blog is to help you adoptees connect with other adoptess, we want your opinions your thoughts on these matters!! I hope this has helped you realize that your birth parents love you!!
~Sandy

Lie #1 Pity Parties

Hey Everyone,
The first lie that I want to talk about is the pity parties, we the adoptees get. I go to an online school called insight school of Minnesota, or a.k.a. ISMN, anywho I've been there since my freshman year. Each new semester we the students have to introduce ourselves to everyone in class. Well my freshman year I would introduce myself like this "Hi, I'm Sandy I'm 14 but will be 15 soon. I'm a Christian, and I'm adopted. My favorite subjects are math, history, and science." Well as soon as I got to the part "I'm adopted" I got all these pity parties. My peers would go "Oh I'm sooooo sorry to hear that!!" This can really get to adoptees, I in fact sometimes left that part out just so I wouldn't get the pity parties! I'd only tell that I was adopted if the subject was brought up in class or if someone said they were, then I'd start talking to them about it. In any case when we the adoptees say we're adopted, this does not mean you should go "Oh I"m so sorry to hear that," to us most of us feel extremely lucky to be adopted. We are happy that our parents could give us up even though this is extremely hard for them, but they still did it because they love us!! (More on our bio parents loving us later.) Second we're happy we have a family; some of us were in foster care where you have a hard time fitting in because you keep getting put in different families. So having one family is a huge deal to have finally that one family that you will stay with!! There is no reason to pity us, also if you do sometimes if we hear it enough we think we should pity ourselves, which really can lead to sad things. Next time you hear someone says "I'm adopted" PLEASE, PLEASE do not say "oh I'm soooo sorry to hear that!!!" Well I must go see you next time for lie #2 Your biological parents don't love you.
~Sandy
P.S.
This is one of the reasons I started talking to my boyfriend and how we got so close. He was another adoptee, so I felt free to tell him I was one and we both could talk freely about being adopted without getting pity parties.

What I hope this blog will do...

Hey everyone,
Josh and I created this blog because we want to help other adoptees. Also I'd like to talk about some of the lies we are told and sometimes start to believe, like that your birth parents didn't love you etc... Plus I know some people who have stereotyped adoptees, and I'd like for those people to realize that, those stereotypes aren't always true or even that they're not true. Plus I know that if adoptees talk to each other we usually open up and it helps us! I want this blog to be a place where other adoptees can comment and talk to each other and help each other. (I want to figure out how to put a chat thing on here were everyone can talk to each other while on here, but I don't know how to do that yet. If you know how please feel free to comment to tell me how! Thanks!) Here are a few of the lies I want to talk about over time.
#1 People give us pity parties because we are adopted, but we don't want pity parties. There is no reason to pity us!
#2 Your biological parents did not love you.
#3 You can't have a place in your heart for your biological parents, because that's not fair to your adopted parents.
#4 You're not really loved like you would be if you were biological kids.
#5 You're not a really family.
#6 If you're adopted from another country you can't call that your home country while here in the U.S, because that means your a bad U.S. citizen.
#7 If your biological parent made a mistake e.g. getting pregnant early in life or what ever, you the child will make the same mistake.
#8 That if you were in foster care/adopted you are a freak/weirdo that has to have a lot of problems.
These are just a few of the lies that my adopted friends and I have gone through. If you have any other ones you'd like for me to talk about please comment below and I will be more than happy to talk about it!! Well I hope this blog helps! Bye everyone see you later!!
~Sandy